Age: 15
Grade 10
Month: January
Day: How the hell should I know?!
Movie: The Notebook – Don’t judge me, you’ve all seen it!

It’s roughly 10:30 in the evening on the night of January 17th, the year was 2007, I was 15.

This was a year of firsts, first girlfriend, first kiss, first base, you get the idea.  We had been together for just over two months at this point.  It started out like any other school night.   She had just finished soccer practice and was on her way over to watch a movie. The field was across the street from my house, making it a short trip for her.

It was the middle of winter and the sun was just beginning to set.  My phone vibrated in my hand, one glance down at my old flip phone and I knew she had arrived.  I jumped from the couch, just as any excited, 15 year old, hopeless romantic might do if he knew there was a girl waiting for him.  Separated by just a few inches of wood (hehe wood), I let her in, and up the stairs we went.

Now fast forward a couple hours, and we’re watching a movie in the games room.

Enter Mom, Games Room door: “Kyle….”
Steps back into the hall, mom: “uhh, Kyle, can you come here for a second?”

What you are currently unaware of is we were well into The Notebook and, at the time she walked in, our two star crossed lovers were in the midst of losing their innocence on the floor of an old abandoned house (classy kids). This brings us to the moment mom walked in.

What she probably expected to see was two young kids, cuddled up under a blanket, watching a now classic romance…. instead, she got me, fully naked, on top of my girlfriend, doing the very same thing, for the very first time, just as our once favorite Hollywood couple were doing on screen. Instead of having my best friend come flying in the front door of a condemned house, I got mom, and in return, she got more than she probably would have liked. These are the kind of things that are supposed to be reserved for movies, like in american pie, when Jim Superglue’s himself to himself.  This type of thing isn’t supposed to happen in real life!

This would be a close second, to the level of awkwardness that I was about to endure.

(Me) With a complete look of shock on my face: looks up in the direction of the door “uhh, hi mom…yup, one second, be right there!”

The next minute and a half was possibly some of the worst BS-ing I have done to date.

I walk out into the hall where mom is “patiently” waiting:
Mom: “Kyle, why were that girls pants down?”
My genius response to that: “Uhh…I pantsed her?”
Mom: “..I’m sorry, you what? do I look stupid to you?”
Me:” No, no! Kids still do that these days, I pantsed her”

Needless to say, she didn’t believe a word that came out of my teenage mouth. To this day, the girl, who I continued to date for another 6 months after, never returned.